MY FIRST YEAR AS A FIRST-TIME MOM
Today, my baby boy turns one year old! in an effort to share the things I learned this past year with others who might be embarking on a similar path soon, plus document them for myself for the day when I can't remember what it was like anymore, here is a behind-the-scenes look at my first year as a first-time mom.
Photo by Wheeland Photography
As cliche as it is, I seriously can't believe that we finally made it to this momentous milestone. I find myself reflecting a lot lately not just on how much my little guy has grown between last June and now, but how much we have evolved as a family and how I personally have changed to adjust to my new role as a mom. This past year has been all the things you could think of - extreme highs, serious lows, amazing triumphs, and deep learnings. I keep telling people, especially others who look to start a family some day, that before I had my baby boy, I thought I was extremely prepared, knew what to expect, and was ready for this new chapter. We had the blessing of it being almost perfect in our lives, and had all the resources to be able to be successful, and in the end, we were! But boy, did I have a lot to learn! There were so many things I ended up not knowing about the post-partum life, having a newborn, and being a parent that I could only find out once he was born. And it has been the most beautiful, most challenging, most rewarding experience ever.
THE FIRST THREE MONTHS: LEARNING A NEW LIFE
For nine months, it feels like a slow climb. Until, all of a sudden, life literally changes overnight. For me, Nate came three weeks early, so right out of the gate, I had to adjust in an instant. I wasn't fully prepared like I wanted to be - I thought I still had three weeks or more left to go. At the last minute, I was scurrying to clean up the house, pack the bags, send emails to co-workers telling them my water broke and I wouldn't be in the office the next day, and wrap up the remnants of my old, baby-less life. I didn't have time or energy to think about how immense those final moments in our home were with just the two of us until we arrived home a week later with Nate. In the blink of an eye, you are no longer an individual or couple, but a family, and it's an overwhelmingly beautiful thing to realize.
After we arrived home from the hospital, we had the most AMAZING week together, just the three of us. No extended family. Not many visitors. Just us. It was seriously the best week of my life. My husband and I were partners in crime - we had a schedule, we communicated the best we ever had, we binged Parks & Recreation, and we LOVED our little boy to pieces. It didn't matter that we barely slept...our hearts were FULL. But slowly, the adrenaline of being a new parent started to wear off. My husband had to go back to work. My C-section scar became infected, and I got mastitis once I FINALLY figured out breastfeeding. Poor little Nate had spit up issues AND a gassy tummy leading to colic. Before we knew it, we were walking zombies passing in the night. The best way I can describe those first months of parenthood is it feels just like you've been flying around the globe for eight weeks straight, with no way to catch up on your jet lag. Your eyes are glassed over. You have no concept of time. On top of that, your newborn suddenly "wakes up" from their cute, little, sleepy slumber and "boom!", everything you thought you were good at suddenly changes. Your body feels foreign, your new life still feels foreign, sometimes your home even feels foreign, your hormones are all over the place, everything seems out of whack...until one day about three months into being a parent, things suddenly click, at least it did for me. My body started feeling somewhat back to normal. The hormones had, for the most part, evened out. Once my infection subsided, my scar started to hurt less and less. And I finally felt like a new mom. I started playing tennis again. Started baking during naps. Figured out our schedule. Even took a trip! Boy, did it feel good to get in a groove, especially with my new little guy by my side smiling the whole way.
A few things I learned about the first three months: do whatever you can to support each other, communicate your needs early and often to those around you, and TAKE THE DARN NAP. Your mental and physical health depend on it. The dishes, the laundry, the working out...it all can wait. Let people help you - it doesn't mean that you're not strong. You are. It's just that this is the time that you need to simply focus on you and your baby. I didn't do that, and I wish I had listened to everyone who said that to me. Before you know it, you'll have a one-year old and those first three months will seem like a distant memory.
THREE TO SIX MONTHS: THE BALANCING ACT
Just when I finally had figured out my mom mojo, I went back to work when Nate was three and half months old. I used up all the time I could get, and made the decision to go back to work so that we could live a comfortable life financially. I also realized during maternity leave that I missed my work immensely, that I craved that creative outlet, and wanted to be back in the mix with my co-workers. However, to do so required a new adjustment, and figuring out a new balance.
Those next three months were the beginning of a huge shift for me - a lesson that to this day, I am still learning - that balance is the key to success as a parent. As a mother, you are caught between taking care of a baby and trying to do everything else - whether you're a stay at home mom or a working mom, the struggle is real. But at the end of the day, family comes first - your priorities shift from yourself to your child. As a previous workaholic (I always seemed to be the last one to leave the office), being the first to leave for the day was a huge change for me. It felt weird and uncomfortable at first, but thankfully I have an employer that understands there are just times where you've gotta do what you've gotta do, and I wanted to be the one to pick Nate up from daycare, to be present as much as possible, and to see his gummy smile after a long, hard day. I'm not going to lie - it was difficult at first. Working AND not sleeping just don't mix. There were so many days I contemplated sleeping in my car at lunch just so I could get a little energy back. But at the six month mark, I ultimately found my new rhythm being a working mom, and finally felt like myself again. Healed inside, healed on the outside. Not to mention, once we got through the 4 month sleep regression and started introducing him to solids, Nate finally started sleeping through the night more than the nights he woke up. It was the most amazing feeling! The real reward though? His personality started shining through more than ever before, and his infectious smile beamed from ear to ear when he saw me or his dad. I loved being able to introduce him to solid foods, trying out new types of purees and flavors each week and reveling in his reaction to it all. Seeing him happy, learning, and growing made me more confident as a parent and even more ready to embark in the next phase of this first year.
SIX TO NINE MONTHS: CURVE BALLS
Oh man, the next three months were crazy! Not only was Nate growing insanely fast, but we had a variety of curve balls hit us, one right after the other. First, it was Nate's need for a helmet to correct the flat side on his head (yes, it's a real thing). Then, it was the stomach flu at Christmas. Then it was six colds, one horrible sinus infection, Influenza A, and everything else under the sun. We somehow seemed to catch every seasonal virus out there. I want to believe it was the combination of daycare, being back at work, and pregnancy leaving my body a wreck. But I'm sure there were a lot of other factors too.
No matter what happened though, we made it out on the other side. I reminded myself so many times that very often, families have much harder things to deal with than a couple of colds and helmet appointments. Our problems in the large scheme of things were so tiny. However, those crazy months made us stronger as a family unit. Just remember - when things feel like they are falling apart like that, it's up to you to decide to be positive each day and rise above the noise for your baby. They are ultimately watching and learning from you, like a little sponge soaking up everything, and you have the power to show them how to change the course of the day. Little things that helped us get through it all were very supportive friends, family, and teachers, singing songs and reading books together as a family every evening before bed, small trips on the weekends to some of our favorite local places, getting out for a couple of date nights thanks to our parents, and some really fun birthday celebrations for both my husband and I!
NINE TO TWELVE MONTHS: THE HOME STRETCH
These last three months have actually been my favorite of the entire first year. Not just because Nate has been successfully sleeping through the night after sleep training (which is one of the hardest things ever), but because he started evolving from an infant into a little boy, complete with his own personality, new communication skills, likes and dislikes, and super fun interactions. For me, that has been the best gift of parenthood - seeing my child develop right before my own eyes and knowing that I've helped him do that. It has been the ultimate reward for all the hard work of the previous months.
Being able to have him finally experience "our world" has also been so much fun. He eats "real people food" at restaurants, recognizes his favorite toys and shows, answers your questions with his baby gibberish, gets excited when he sees people he knows, has mastered his crawling, and finally took his first steps. His extreme happiness in achieving it all is priceless, and thankfully all those memories are etched in my mind. This is the golden age. This is what it's all about. This, for me, has been the best part about being a new mom.